the passing of a beautiful, beautiful soul

January 26, 2007

It is true that time heals all wound. That no matter how bad things are today, there are better tomorrows. Then again, the wait for a better tomorrow does not come easy, and sometimes along the way the world really seems to be crashing down on you that it seems pointless to share your woes and your problems because no matter how you try or how much others try to make you feel better, you still feel like a total crap.  

I lost my paternal grandfather on Wednesday, 24 January 2007. And fortunately or unfortunately I wasn’t really that close to him too feel as grievous as I should probably be. And part of me feel remorseful for my lack of devastation, because that just means that there were so much more that I could have done to make him be a much more part of me than he was. You know how it is, to lose someone and wishing you had spent more time with him, took better care of him, and all that. To wish things were different. And then there’s some part of me that’s glad for the lack of emotional attachment because it simply means that I am spared the intensity of the heartache, the pain, the loss of someone close to heart, which would be excruciatingly wrenching; and that is an understatement. Selfish I know. But if you have lost someone so dear, you would know you wouldn’t want to ever go through the feeling again. 

And then there’s a feeling of relief; of knowing that he has escape the torments and torture of his illness, his senility, his temperaments, and that he is finally, and hopefully, in peace. Because all the time that he was suffering in his life, no one could really understand his needs, his wants, and I’m guessing sometimes being there for him alone is not enough. Being helpless can be such a pain in itself. And if anything, he look so peaceful and so willing to return to his Creator.  

Haji Shukor Bin Haji Zaid: You will be missed, but we will always remember you in our prayers and you will forever live in our hearts.

You are in the arms of an angel

May you find some comfort there.

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